As you may have heard, Apple now officially owns everything from the slightly rounded corners of your smartphone, to the pinch-to-shrink and tap-to-zoom functions, to the rounded corners of the app icons on your screen.

Oh look, another way to get money for doing absolutely nothing, while undercutting the competition by making them pay costs that will almost certainly get passed on to consumers. Google and Samsung have it right. This is about as much a legitimate victory for Apple as taking a poop in the toilet is for a 9-year-old. Regardless of which phone they prefer, the consumers are the real losers here, and I’m fucking irritated by Apple resorting to this rather than creating something new and exciting for their phones that customers would be only too happy to pay for.

Which they haven’t done in about 3 years, by the way. Don’t believe me? Take a look at all the generations of the iPhone in succession. Then compare it with the various Android phones that have been released over the same period of time. The differences are enormous in the latter and barely noticeable in the former unless you’ve bought into Apple’s overly aggressive marketing of even the slightest improvements.

Okay, okay…I haven’t bought an Apple product since high school (and even then, I bought it from a friend who was selling it at a discount, so I don’t actually remember the last time I bought something from Apple itself) so I’m hugely biased. I was never a huge fan, but I’ve always stopped short of actually writing them off as an option until now. So I’m just going to say it: you go ahead and do your level best to drive up prices and box in your competitors Thomas Edison-style, Apple. I’m still not buying your iWhatever.

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